“Hate” is a bad word. Beyond the obvious issues, it’s also abrupt and rigid. It’s an absolute. Not much more negative than hate. But people throw it around easily these days. They hate this TV show, or hate that politician, or hate someone’s behavior. We even use say, “I hate it for you” as if we are obliging someone and doing them a favor by lending them our hate. People also say, “I hate to be a ____,” but… Guess what, if you were so negatively pre-disposed to being that, you wouldn’t. Be honest with yourself and just say, “I’m a _____” and be comfortable with it. Or change your behavior and don’t be it.

But there is one thing I hate….”have to.” It’s just like hate, it’s an absolute. You have to pick up your clothes, you have to behave a certain way in public, you have to eat turkey at Thanksgiving or you’re a booger-eating pinko Commie bastard. Remember President Bush (the first one) saying he didn’t eat broccoli because as a kid he “had to” and now he was President of the United States so he wasn’t going to eat broccoli. Good stuff! When you get to be President, there aren’t a lot of “have to’s.”

You know where else there are a bunch of “have to’s”? When you look for a job! Here’s a brief list of our favorites:
You HAVE to go buy an interview suit
You HAVE to get an interview haircut
You HAVE to take all that crap out of your face…yes, the nose ring too.
You HAVE to cover up your tattoos
You HAVE to take the color out of your hair
You HAVE to shave your legs and wear pantyhose
You HAVE to wear socks and a tie…..no, not a bolo tie Woody
You HAVE to arrive at least 10 minutes early, just not too early. Twenty would be too much. And you BETTER NOT be late!
You HAVE to know what you want to be for the rest of your life even though you haven’t really worked a freaking day in your life, have no idea what it’s like to deal with office politics and the break room fridge, have no idea what “corporate culture” is and have never really publicly failed at anything and been held accountable for it……PHEW!!!!

What the hell is up with all the “have to’s”??? I remember when I finished grad school. I had a ponytail that reached the middle of my back. It was my calling card. People referred to me as the “guy with the pony tail.” Who do I have to go see about renting equipment? You can go to that desk and ask the guy with the pony tail. Who has the keys to the truck? The guy with the pony tail took them. Then school was over, time to grow up again. With one well placed snip I re-entered the herd. Why? No one’s going to hire me looking like that, I thought. You HAVE TO get a regular haircut if you want to get a job.

Last week an older student (i.e., closer to my age) came to my office for help. He’s in a career transition phase. He has over 20 years of sales experience and is just now getting his MBA. He’d like to get out of sales and in to the operations side of hospitality, an industry he’s served but hasn’t worked directly in for a while. Hospitality is big here in Touristland. He’s not working now, a casualty of the recession and getting his MBA was part of his recovery plan. That said, he’s willing to take a few steps back if that means moving laterally into hospitality. One of his concerns, rightly so, was if employers will be hesitant to hire him for a lower level job because of his age. The HR guy in me gets indignant about that and wants to say, why no! It’s ILLEGAL to disqualify someone because of their age! We have laws, good laws, that make it a crime to pull that crap! But it happens all the time. Companies find other ways around it and middle-aged unemployed workers are finding their recession may last a lot longer because of it. So what did I tell him? Yes, it could be an issue. Are you married to the beard? The guy was sporting a full on, mostly grey, Dan Haggerty special. It seems like an innocuous bit of advice, but are we telling people to homogenize for the sake of “fitting in”?

Beards, tats, hair color, fashion; people use all of these things to express their individuality. We usually attribute most of this to traditional students (translation: twenty-something Gen Y’ers.) But everyone looks for that thing that makes them…them. And when it comes to looking for a job, there’s a tendency to mute one’s individuality and idiosyncrasies. In this age of behavioral disorders brought on by the pressure put on young people to conform and fit in, it almost seems counter intuitive to tell someone who has discovered a vehicle for self expression to mute it and look like that line of kids falling into the meat grinder in “The Wall.” On top of that, you WANT to stand out and make employers remember you from that vast, undulating sea of dark power suits and frothy white dress shirts. But it’s a Catch 22 (thank your English teacher for making you read that book!) To be noticed you have to stand out, but we (society) tell you to mute what really makes you an individual.

So, do you HAVE to take out the nose ring? Well, if you want to get an entry-level job with a big employer, move up through the ranks, and eventually be a member of the leadership then, yes. You have to ditch all the frosting and just be cake. But, if you plan on wearing it when you go to work and you feel like it makes you who you are, then no. Leave it in. Focus instead on finding an employer that doesn’t think a nose ring is a big deal. Focus on a trade or occupation where you see others sporting their little silver rings of individuality. And be ok with the impact your individual expression will have on your career. As long as you are cool with all that, then there’s only a few things you HAVE to do:

You have to know what you want to do
You have to pay your bills and support your family
You have to be comfortable with…strike that…LOVE who you are
You have to be ok with the consequences and rewards of your decisions

Oh…and you HAVE to figure out how to stop hating. Seriously, it sucks.

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Why Your Resume is Killing Your Job Search

Conventional wisdom says to get a job, you need a resume. Conventional wisdom says employers will hire you based on the skills and experience you possess. Conventional wisdom says your resume is a snapshot of your skills and experience. So…the sum of this wisdom would lead you to believe that if you write out all your experience on a piece of paper, name it “resume” and send it out, you’ll get a job. Right? WRONG!

Most applicants don’t get past the first screening. Why? Their resume suffers from one of Lonny’s “Deadly Resume Sins.”

Blandness
Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored…… That’s how I feel when I read most resumes. Send me your “generic” resume and I start looking out the window at the kids playing hacky sack. Yay, the universal diversion! EVERY time you reply to a job posting you need to alter your resume to fully meet the requirements of that position. Met someone at a networking event? Find out what they do or what they want to do with your resume and tailor it again. I heard someone advising a student the other day saying that’s what the cover letter is for. POPPYCOCK!!! No one reads cover letters. Ok, maybe some people do. But like a collection of rural Louisiana liberals, collectively they could fill a phone booth. The 70s are over, no one buys an album to get one or two hits. Every song you put out needs to stand on its own merit, every resume needs to target a specific opportunity.

Objective Statement
I need you to sit down and take a deep breath. Ready? I don’t give a rat’s a$$ what you want to do when you grow up. I want to find someone to fill this job who is going to be a rock star and eventually let me retire to a small tropical island with Herve Villechaize and a dozen employees of the month from Hooters. I’m going to read maybe the top half-ish of your resume. You better hit me hard in that first few lines with what you bring to the table and how that relates to my business. When you read a good book, the author hits you from the first paragraph in a way that keeps you reading. Makes you want to continue. An Objective Statement does nothing to hook me because in the end, your only objective is to get a job. If you wanted to do something else, you’d be starting the company yourself.

Irrelevance
If I post a job or I tell you I’m looking for someone with ____ skills, don’t send me a resume that shows you don’t meet those qualifications. If I say I need someone with sales experience then you need to have sales experience. If I say I need someone who can grow new business then you need to show what you can do in business development. If I say I need someone with a Bachelor’s degree, then you need to have a Bachelor’s degree. People don’t go to the grocery store saying, I’m making spaghetti so I need pasta, tomato sauce and meat then feel like they have what they need by picking up the ingredients for apple pie. A recent survey conducted in Central Florida listed “unqualified applicants” as one of the major impediments to hiring in this area. Recruiters and employers feel they are spending more time looking through more resumes that are less qualified. Annoying an employer is no way to build a relationship. Just because you WANT to do that job, doesn’t mean you CAN.

Focusing on the Past
Someone tell me what other marketing media focuses on the past? Beer commercials tell you about all the fun dudes and hot chicks you’ll meet. Insurance commercials tell you how much money you’ll save. Chew this gum and you’ll have white teeth; take this pill and your sweetie will think you’re Captain Morgan straddling a cannon shouting, “Yo ho ho!!” Want to be a lady’s man? Just color your hair like Emmitt Smith….oh, and be an all pro Running Back with big muscles and Super Bowl rings and a padded checking account. That helps too. Your resume is your primary piece of marketing collateral. It needs to create an image of the kind of future the employer can expect from you, not just what you did in the past. You raised $1000 for charity. Good. Your mother is proud. What will that do for me? Don’t assume I know. I’m already consumed with other stuff. Create a vision of the future for me.

Coming Before You
I’ll give you that when you apply via a job posting, the first thing the employer sees about you is your resume. But, if that’s your ONLY approach, then you’re in trouble. Find a reason to put on pants. Get out and mingle. Talk to people. NETWORK!!! I was talking to a student the other day who is getting his MBA at night because he’s an engineer with 12 years of experience and has discovered he doesn’t want to be an engineer anymore. He wants to be an accountant. So he asks me how he finds accounting jobs. How did you decide to change careers, I ask. A test at work that the HR department did. Really? Did you talk to any of the accountants at work, maybe speak to a manager, maybe talk to the HR person about your test results and see if there are lateral opportunities. You, personally, are a better piece of media than a piece of paper. You can answer questions. You can ask questions. You can smile and be charming. You can show interest. You can be humble and thankful. Get out there and talk to people and let your resume FOLLOW you for a change.

Errors (Real or Perceived)
A real error would be employment dates that don’t make sense. A perceived one would be leaving your email as BigBootyDADDY@yahoo.com. It’s still your email, but it sucks. Change it. Other errors include mis-spelled words, formatting errors like unaligned borders or mis-matched bullets, fonts that don’t match, or simply making statements that the employer may know to be false. This one is simple, don’t stretch the facts and check your work. Finally, anything you do that makes it hard for a recruiter to read your resume is an error. Make sure sections like Experience and Education are clearly identified and easy to read as are dates of employment, contact info, and key qualifications. This is your first assignment, the first sample of the quality of your work. Mess it up and how can I trust you to do anything else right?

Dumb Stuff
This is a very broad one. Dumb stuff is basically anything else that I haven’t already listed that the recruiter / employer doesn’t care about and isn’t pertinent to the position being filled. How much space did you dedicate to a job that has nothing to do with the position I’m trying to fill? Are you listing school projects that, though interesting, aren’t tied back to what makes you qualified for the position to be filled? For example, this is more of a personal pet peeve, but I’d rather you pick ONE phone number where I can reach you and stick to it. Don’t give me your cell number, home number, and mom’s number. Unless your name is Stifler… It can even include using distracting fonts or colored paper. One time I was on a search committee for an Outdoor Recreation Coordinator and an applicant put their resume on paper with dolphins and undersea life all over it. BLECH!!! Then there was the hot pink resume I got with a big flower at the top. DOUBLE BLECH!!!

Despite some rumblings here and there, resumes aren’t going away anytime soon. A few larger companies are taking the resume upload option off their career sites and making all applicants fill out an application and some executive search firms are using candidate profiles rather than sending out resumes of their clients, but for the most part, there is still a need for job seekers to have a synopsis of themselves ready for distribution. Be smart about what you say and don’t let your resume kill off your opportunities!